This is Insane Part 2

Of course CAIR got involved and demanded that Muslim women not receive a pat down (“love pats” per that idiot senator from Missouri-see Love Pats) and stated that body scans were a violation of Muslim beliefs. The idiot Napolitano may allow some sort of exceptions for Muslim women.  See Muslim Exception

Our airport screening policy is insane and that someone is considering exempting anyone from the religion that has committed all of the terrorist acts of the past decade is simply insane.  However the true insanity isn’t that Muslims might be exempted rather that 10 years into this threat anyone, but Muslims are being scanned and screened.  Again, when was the last time a non Muslim tried to blow up a plane?  Or the last time a non Muslim was a suicide bomber?  Oh, well that is a broken record.

I can’t find the statistic right now, but the majority of domestic air travel is done by a small percentage of Americans I.E. frequent flyers. That 10 years on from 9/11 most of these flyers (and Dark and Bloody is one) haven’t been screened and received a security clearance is crazy. Oh well

So it’s time for some good old fashion civil disobedience.  Here are my suggestions.

·         If the traditional metal detectors are available use them, but always refuse the body scanner.  Insist on a pat down.  There are good health reasons to do so.

·         Tell the TSA agent it against your religion to be touched by someone of the same sex.  Don’t make a big deal of it, just make the point and ask for an opposite sex pat down. You won’t get it, but ask.

·         If you have a good pair of underwear on and aren’t shy, when the pat down begins just drop your paints.  Now men, don’t do this wearing any type of tight form fitting briefs (there are children around) but with a good pair of boxers it is fine.

·         After dropping your paints pull the waist band away from your stomach and say, instead of touching me, just look. Again make sure children are not around.

·         If you don’t want to drop your paints, then when the pat down starts, fart.  Yes, that’s right fart.  After a few thousand farts the TSA employees will revolt.

·         Now if you don’t like any of the above, buy a burka.  Yes, buy a burka and put it on in the parking garage, the car, the bus.  Go through security with it on and tell them you are Muslim and that your religion forbids intimate contact with strangers.  See what happens. It should be fun.  Take the burka off once you clear security.  Or heck, wear it on the plane….it might be fun.

·         Now both men and women should wear a burka.  Men you say? Why yes, tell TSA that you are a transgendered male Muslim and that you haven’t had your operation yet.  That will be fun.

Remember civil disobedience is fun and it is your right and we should be free of this insanity.

Update: Last night after posting, I recalled a story Mrs. Dark and Bloody told me.  The Mrs. worked at CU Medical Center years ago.  One night an accident victim was brought in to ER. They needed to remove his pants to look at a leg injury and as they pulled them down, the Mrs. saw a sausage tapped to the victim's upper thigh.  The ER team decided the guy had been clubbing and used the sausage to seem larger than he actually was to dancing partners. So the next time you fly, strap on a sausage and see what happens.  Women you can try it too.  That will cause some confusion.    Remember civil disobedience is fun and your right.

This Is Insane

Hands Down Your Pants

Groin Check

Nun Getting checked

Three Year Old Being Searched

Dark and Bloody doesn’t believe the Nun photo is real, but it could be and that is a shame.  D&B has a checkered history at TSA checkpoints.  Here is the recap:

I flew out of Denver the day flights were restored following 9/11.  I had a meeting cancelled because of 9/11 and insisted that the meeting be rescheduled the day flights were restored.  There was no way I was going to let a bunch of scummy Muslim terrorists cower me.  As you might imagine the security lines were long and the search was very through.  I was inspected by a dark skinned woman who scanned me and required me to loosen my belt.  No big deal.  It would get better right?

A year or so later my family took a flight to Orlando.  My youngest, apparently because of the spelling of her old family name, was selected for additional screening.  When the screeners found that she was 12 years old an adult had to accompany her through the additional screening.  So I did. The screeners just waived my daughter through and then gave me a wanding and sent me on my way.

Sometime after that I went to Toronto on business accompanied by a Canadian that worked for me.  On the way back, my carry on was selected for additional screening. The person who came over to do the screening was wearing a hijab.  I looked at her and the screener next to her and said, “I think I should be searching you.” My employee looked at me and said, “I will see you at the bar, maybe.”  The screeners didn’t think my comment was funny.  I did and do.

A couple years after that the family went to DC on a vacation. On the way back, I was selected for additional screening.  While getting the wand I looked around (it was DC remember) and said to the screener, “This is crazy, all these Muslims working here and you are screening me.”  He didn’t think it an appropriate comment; I said “Well when white, Catholic, middle aged guys traveling with their families blow up planes, then you should screen them.”

Yet a couple of years later the oldest and I were in O’Hare flying to St Louis.  There were several long lines, yet next to us were two screening systems not in use while TSA guys were standing around talking.  I overheard them and they were talking about football.  I learned over the rope and said, “How about you guys stop talking about football, open up that station and start doing your job.”  The smart aleck looking one said, “Sir, we are doing our job.”  I said, “Great job, getting paid shooting the breeze while citizens have to stand in line.”  He asked, “Do you want to miss your flight sir”? I said, “No, but I do want to see you doing your job.”  He turned away. My daughter asked if I were crazy.

The next year the youngest and I were in Phoenix flying back to Denver.  The line was incredibly long and slow.  Again, for some reason, my carry on failed the screening.  It was taken to another section for additional screening.  Now this took a bit of time because, apparently, someone qualified to search the bag was not available.  Again a couple of TSA folks were nearby gabbing.  I walked over and said, would you come over right now and search my bag so we don’t miss our flight.  They said they couldn’t do that. I said, well get someone or let me get on my way. I sent my daughter on to the gate and continued to wait.  I finally picked up the bag and started walking off.  I was immediately stopped and said, well then search the bag, I have a flight to catch and you are making me wait.  Oh, the look I got was priceless, but they got someone and nothing was found. Yet, they wanted to send it through the x-ray again.  So, I really started chewing on them, but they carried the bag to the x-ray and sent it through.  Again nothing found.

Three years ago the family went to Israel.  Heard the stories about Israeli airport security?  It is true.  On the way, I got completely searched and felt up.  I asked for a woman to do it, but the guy said he couldn’t do that.  On the way back it was a piece of cake.  Open the luggage, answer a couple of questions and off we went.  Oh, except that I mistakenly placed my defensive knife in my daughter’s carry on, but that is another story.

Recounting the few negative experiences out of hundreds of flight over nearly ten years makes clear this point: I was originally patient because I believed it would get better. Now, my patience with this process is completely gone because after 10 years we get more of the same stupid behavior.  There is simply no way that I, and millions of other Americans, should not have been issued an ID which identifies us as zero risk. When the next white, Catholic, etc etc, guy blows up a plane, ok, I get it, but this system is completely insane.  They are body scanning pilots now. Insane.  Nuns are being screened by Muslims. Insane.  Three year olds are being felt up.  Insane. Planes are only blown up by Muslims, screen them until the next (first) three year blows up the plane. Insane.

Dark and Bloody’s wife is the most patient easy going person on the planet.  (It will remain a secret why she married me.  It certainly wasn’t because I am easy going.)  Yet, she says, she will not submit to a body scan.  Too invasive.  Too much radiation.  So I guess she will get a body search.  I wonder what will happen to the TSA agent touches her very large breasts.  I remember what happened to me the first time.  I got most of the feeling back in that hand a couple days later.

Seriously, November 24^th is the day to protest the TSA.  Join in. Bring TSA to its knees maybe then this insanity will stop.